That’s right. I am writing a new story I tell myself or at least trying really hard. Today, I turn 54 years young. While this number may have been one that I dreaded pre ALS, it is one that I now embrace, even with it marking a very important time in my life. The importance of turning 54 is that Tom was cheated out of this age by ALS. He died at 53. Tom was older than me by 17 months. Last year, we were the same age and this year I am older than him. My 46 birthday also marked the day we heard the words ALS. I celebrated my 49th birthday in the hospital with Tom, just less than a week after his trach surgery in 2019.

I am not going to lie, it takes a lot of healing and self reflection to change and believe a new story, but that is exactly what I am doing. If I continue to live with the the memories surrounding my birthday or any significant day, without acknowledging it, understanding it and not getting sucked in to the sad parts of it, I will never grow. Never heal. Never learn to accept what has happened. Accepting does not mean forgetting or being okay that something bad has happened. Accepting means processing it, and learning from it and finding gratitude with my new life that the event created.

Today, my story is that I am embracing the fact that I get the chance to turn 54. I got to wake up and experience a new day. Being grateful for being alive and having the opportunity to create a new life for myself. That is how I honor Tom. Not by sitting in my grief till it swallows me whole, but by allowing it to be a reminder that life, love, happiness and peace are so very precious.

So here’s to my new story, I am 54 and I am have so much gratitude for making another trip around the sun.

All my love,

Lara