I don’t know about you, but this time of year I start getting nostalgic. Remembering past Thanksgivings and Christmas Holidays. The things you did, the feelings, the sense of pure joy. I remember a Barbie multi story home that my sister and I received when gosh, I must have been 8 or 9. I remember the excitement of coming down the stairs with her and seeing it Christmas morning. I wish we could get that back, the pure excitement of seeing what Santa had brought. The no concern for anything except when would I be able to play with it. The feeling of being safe, being happy, not just knowing I was loved but feeling loved. There was such innocence back then. I think that is why this time of year, we try and re-create those  traditions, trying to get back if only for a few days those feelings. For me, Christmas is not Christmas without pecan sandies or hot chocolate with peppermint. Last year, I will be honest, I don’t really remember Christmas much less Thanksgiving. I do however remember our trip. Ahhh who could forget that paradise.

This  year I have tried to be more present and make sure we continue with the traditions the Big He and I have created together over the past 27 years. To make sure the Big He, Little He and I have that feeling of joy and love a time before Alpha Lima Sierra.  It’s hard I will admit. While trying to keep traditions there is the ever present Alpha Lima Sierra. Not knowing how many more Christmases we have as a family brings a lot of mixed feelings. While I want to keep our traditions going, I know in the future those traditions will bring sadness knowing that the Big He is not there to share.

We have for pretty much our married life done white lights on our tree. I love the look however this year we went and got a new pre-lit tree. The amazing thing about tree’s these days, they come with LED lights that you can switch from white to colored. I have noticed that I am preferring the colored lights. Changing it  up has been nice. Just like with Thanksgiving, we did a cruise instead of the big family gathering with turkey, dressing and the other sides. Part of me thinks changing things up might help me get through the holidays when its just the little he and I. The other part knows that there is nothing I can do that will make this time of year easy.

Changing it up, keeping the tree set to colored lights could also be me trying to get that feeling from when I was little. That is what we had…a big beautiful tree, full of ornaments, with bright colored lights. I guess I am searching for that innocence from my childhood. Trying, just for a moment to remember that feeling of pure joy and of feeling safe.

My Christmas wish for my family and yours, if only for a moment, is to feel love, peace and pure joy. Let the stress of life take a back seat and just enjoy being with family and friends. And if this year you are missing a loved one, I pray your heart remembers the joy and love you shared with them and you find the comfort you need to make it through.

We wish you a very Merry  Christmas. God Bless you and your family.

The She