This weekend Trey, Mina (Tom’s caregiver who he loved like a daughter) and I took a trip. A small one, but it was enough of a trip to get us out of the house. We stayed on the Riverwalk in San Antonio, Texas. Tom and I actually lived in San Antonio for 4 years while Tom was stationed at Lackland AFB. So the Riverwalk holds many memories for me. I traveled to San Antonio and Tom and I walked the Riverwalk on his weekend pass from Basic Training. We would go Downtown and walk the Riverwalk when friends and family would visit when we lived there, and as little mini vacations in the years since he discharged from the Air Force. So it is probably no surprise that I had some anxiety before the trip. Would the memories Tom and I shared consume me. Would I drown in the sadness of walking the area and not having his strong, loving hand hold mine? Would I miss sharing this experience with him?

I can say, I survived the weekend and ended up having a great time despite having the grief and sadness slide in unexpectedly throughout the day. One of the things that was hard, was getting up before Trey and Mina, and going down to have coffee. In the past, this is something Tom and I would do. We would let Trey sleep and go have some one on one time, drinking coffee and just talking about the day ahead. This weekend, I sat alone. It was tough, but I did it. I enjoyed my coffee and actually let myself remember. Remember the great times Tom and I had on the Riverwalk, but I also let myself remember the wonderful day I had with Trey and Mina the day before.

Taking this trip was another first in the line of firsts after you lose someone. You wanna know something, while Tom was not with us physically, he was there in our hearts and all of our memories.