Have you heard of this term? As I was waking up this morning, this term came to mind as it relates to being a caregiver to my veteran husband. It is term I would keep in mind, as an environmental regulatory consultant, when reviewing proposed rules. One of the things I tried to identify when I read rules was that the proposed rules did not have any unintended consequences. That is, were the rules written to solve one issue but created another one that was never intended.

This morning, it dawned on me that veteran caregivers are in a sense, unintended consequences. Stay with me…when the Big He joined the Air Force he knew there were risks. When he deployed that Christmas in 1990 to Saudi in support of Desert Shield/Desert Storm, he knew there were risks. I knew there were risks. However, do you think the Veterans Health Administration would have ever thought about the consequences of the caregivers to those veterans? I often say, I do what I do because I love my husband, which is true, but as a caregiver, I bear the brunt of the result of my husband’s service. I am so proud of that service. I am proud of him, but there have been unintended consequences for me as a caregiver. My physical, mental and emotional health has suffered. It’s not something I or many of those caregivers I speak to like to talk about. Most of the time, we just do what needs to be done. We hope the promise by our government leaders and the VA to help care for the caregiver will be fulfilled.

So why did this term come to me this morning? For over a year I have been asking for additional help. Particularly help at night a few nights a week. As the primary caregiver to my now paralyzed, vent dependent ALS veteran husband, I am exhausted. Yes, some nights we get more than 4-5 hours of sleep, but it is not that good, restful sleep. I am always listening to the sound of alarms or that sound the Big He makes as he struggles to breathe because he needs suctioning. I have been denied night time help by two different programs at our local VA. The frustration factor is at an all time high. From my perspective, it as if the clinicians making these decisions are truly clueless to the needs of the veteran and their caregiver. Keeping in mind that these clinicians have probably not done patient care in some time. At our local VA, the hiding behind problems is common and it may be due to an old mindset that government officials have. It is a rare few that don’t see a problem, just a solution that has not been discovered yet. [disclosure: I was a state government employee for a few years so yes, just as in any profession, there are those that go to work to collect a check and those that go to work to make a difference].

I am working through these issues. Step by step, person by person. While there are times that yes, I get tired and throw my hands in the air and say, “I am done”. However, the next morning I wake up and try again. You see with unintended consequences, it doesn’t mean that’s it. It means you work through the problem, identify and eliminate the cause of the unintended consequence. This means, seeing the caregiver for their true worth and doing what needs to be done to ensure they have all the resources needed so we can keep our veterans with us healthy and strong for as long as possible at home where they belong.

All my love,

The She