June 2024 – Tom's Troops

I have said or thought, two things can be true at the same time, so much in the month of May. May was an incredible month for me. While typically, my May is spent advocating for ALS and Caregivers, because after all May is the Month of … I did my part in the advocacy lane, I also took a giant step towards living the life I promised Tom I would. I have said over and over that ALS did not always take, it did give. It gave us the opportunity to say the things we needed to say. Tom throughout his ALS journey, especially in the early years of the disease, made sure to tell me he wanted me to live my life after ALS took his. He wanted me to experience adventures, the ones that we put off until retirement. He wanted me to find people to enjoy the adventures with. He wanted me to just continue to live. That is something that during the ALS years and since his passing, seemed would never happen. Until it did.

5 COUNTRIES, 11 CITIES

On May 5, I set off on a three week adventure with not just my sister from another mister, but Tom’s too, Cyrus. Cyrus and I met in such an unexpected way that we often give each other “that” look when people ask the question how long have we been friends and how did we meet. The quick answer and one I can expand in another blog is that we met at a pregnancy loss support group in 2001.

Cy and I had planned a European Vacation last July. The trip would take us to Spain where we would board a cruise ship with stops in Italy, Sicily, Greece, Montenegro, and Croatia. In total we went to 5 countries, and 11 cities. We called our adventure-CyNLara. Italy was an adventure Tom and I were to do together and so I carried Tom with me during that amazing trip. There were such happy moments and those are the ones that I share, but there were tears too. In Madrid, our first stop, I broke down in a way I have not done in a long time. Cyrus was there to hold space for me. To let me sit with my loss, to sit with the sheer enormity of me missing Tom. There were moments by myself as I would watch the beautiful scenery and think, I should be sharing this with Tom. The idea that I could be so happy and grateful for my life and at the same time be so sad and wonder how is this (losing Tom) my life is strange. It is something I am becoming more understanding of. Two things can be true at the same time.

1 CITY, SO MANY ADVENTURES

When Cy and I came home from Europe, I had five days at home before I was to head to Washington, D.C. to take part in an ALS advocacy event hosted by I AM ALS. This next adventure was one that I would experience with a new person in my life. This person came into my life, much like Cyrus. Unexpected and through a support group. Specifically a support group for widows/widowers that lost their spouse to ALS. He lost his wife to ALS just four months before Tom passed. We have been seeing each other since late January, and those around me have known about my new special friend for a while and if you watch my postings on FB you may have picked up on my special someone. When I left for D.C. we did it officially as a dating couple. Which just so you know is still super weird, since both of us still refer to our late spouses as our husband and wife. It works in the widow world, trust me.

D.C. is my most favorite place to visit. I was excited to share such a special place with this new person, whose name is Grant. I have shared D.C. with my sister and another sister friend of mine, Jamie. Tom and I have been to D.C. together 4 times and Trey has been several times as well. There is just so much to do. If you have never been, go. Like I mentioned the purpose of the visit was to give a talk to the ALS Community, but while there I was able to take part in some other amazing opportunities like sitting in on a Congressional Hearing listening to testimony that told of mine and Tom’s struggle to obtain skilled care while he was alive. We toured not just the White House but the House of Representatives. The two of us, thanks to Representative John Carter’s office, were able to stand and sit in the House of Representatives. We even experienced a concert on the Mall recognizing the 80th Anniversary of D-Day thanks to the Elizabeth Dole Foundation. Grant and I even found time to spend a morning at Arlington Cemetery. While that day was hard, the thought that two things can be true at the same time was also front and center on my mind. As we we watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, tears quietly feel down my face. In that moment I was both happy and sad. Happy to be able to share this with Grant, the man next to me holding my hand and sad for losing my husband, the man I have loved for 35 years. Two things can be true at once and those two things can be polar opposites of each other.

The month of May was busy for me. I am exhausted. In fact, that exhaustion has probably played a huge roll in me getting sick. The day after I arrived home, I started running a fever. The doctor says it’s a cold, I say by the way my throat feels like I have been swallowing broken glass, it may be strep throat! Either way, I am on a zpack and resting. I have been home 5 days now. My suitcase is mostly unpacked and my laundry is mostly done. I would not change a single thing about my May adventures. I lived the month of May like Tom wanted and what I promised him I would. I had amazing adventures and I am finding companionship with a man that makes me happy. Which is a promise I made to Tom that I was not sure I could keep. I will say Grant came in to my life after I had done the hard work of grieving. He came into my life unexpected, much like Tom did 35 years ago and Cy did 23 years ago. Isn’t that cool how He puts the people we need in our lives when we least expect it??

I don’t know what my future holds but I do feel that there will be more adventures to come that I will take you along for so you can see that grieving and living whatever life comes my way can co-exist and absolutely, two things can be true at the same time.