Looks like my plan to have a few minutes to unwind was foiled by Lou.

I planned carefully, waiting for the right day to get not just hopefully a good night, restful sleep but also carve a few minutes to take a to take a breathe. I privately hired our caregiver Amanda to come in and relieve me..this after all the time she spent here this week. Only because there are 2 people that know how to care for the Big He. Know his needs. Know by his facial expressions what he is saying..and yes, “Are you fucking stupid” is something one can say loud and clear with their eyes. It happens, usually followed by me or Amanda saying, “umm, my bad”.

It has been a rough several months for the Big He. Hasn’t been the easiest for this caregiver either. Days turned into weeks in the ICU. Sleeping in a chair, listening to the monitors connected to the Big He did not make for good rest. The stress of everything was overwhelming. Am I whining, maybe a little bit. But please make no mistake, I would do it over and over if it meant another moment, another day with my love.

As Caregiving goes, are you really ever resting or taking a moment, naw, always keeping one eye or an ear out to make sure all is good. Control issues, yep, no doubt about it. For now, that is how I feel I need to be.

So while I warm my tired mind, body and soul a few minutes, I am also keeping an eye on the activity in our room where the Big He is and Lou keeps reminding me, its not about me…its about throwing the damn ball so he can chase it. BTW, there are now several balls floating in the hot tub along with the spilled drink (scotch) that Lou’s big ole paws hit during one of his ball drops.

Life of a caregiver…one she wishes she never knew. #fuals #tomstroops #suckitals #ThisisALS