Can I tell you a secret? I hate confrontation. This may come as a surprise to many but I do. I try and avoid it. Not the Big He, he is REALLY good at it. That may not come as a surprise to you. Since we were married, he has been the one that I go to when I need that push to stand up for myself. Ok who are we kidding, he is the one that stands up for me.  Things are changing these days, I am finding my own voice but it apparently only comes out when the “Houston, we have a problem” voice goes off in my head.

Another little nugget of information about me is that I am a nurture by nature and not so much the protector. The Big He is a protector by nature. Probably explains why he went into the USAF and the law enforcement career field. He has always been protective of me and when the Little He came along he went into double duty protection mode. He still is protective of us, Alpha Lima Sierra has not changed that. Truth be known, I love to take care of him and the boy and I love that he is the one to always watch out for us.

While I still don’t like confrontation, I am finding that it is more and more necessary especially with Alpha Lima Sierra. I think that confrontation and protection go hand in hand these days. It is only because I want to protect the Big He that I find I am becoming confrontational.  I will admit that when we first got the diagnosis I was not the best advocate for the Big He. The shock of learning what this disease is knocked us all off balance. That shock lasted a long time. I have said it before, but it is true, we lived in a fog of disbelief. Heck, even today, I wake up and can’t believe we are living an ALS life. Since diagnosis, I have found my voice.  I use it to advocate for the Big He. I used it when we needed to get him to retire. I have and continue to use it ensure that care and equipment are being provide by the VA with the same expectation as I would have for non VA healthcare. I am finding that when I see a problem I am quick to act. While I do try and maintain a sense of professionalism with my interactions, I am not always successful. I know I can get a bit bat $hit crazy. Maybe with age or just the shear stress that is part of this new life, but patience is not something I have a whole lot of.  The way I see it, the Big He only deserves the best care. There are no “do-overs”  and I refuse to “what if” myself which is why my expectation is high. There is no room for anything less.   He is my world so I feel sorry for the person or person’s that don’t treat him as such. He has a t-shirt that says, “I have a crazy Italian wife and I am not afraid to use her”.  I think that sums it up. I am crazy, crazy about my family.

All my love,

The She

The Big He’s update: Well, he is progressing. It is getting harder for him to walk short distances. He uses his bad ass track chair all the time now. Which is actually great, because it allows us to get out of the house. We go no walks like we use to, before diagnosis. He uses his ventilator every night now and when he lays down. Breathing is becoming a bit more difficult due to his weakened diaphragm.  His body may be getting weak, but his heart and mind are as strong as ever. Meaning, he loves us and those around him and shows that love. He is still the same ole smart ass as he has always been! Even more so these days.  🙂